What i’ve loved this year:

MY FAMILY:
Some of you may have noticed a giant gap in posting in the first few months of this year.  Near the end of January, my mom was almost killed in a car accident, and three days later, my aunt (mom’s sister), uncle, and cousin were also hit and severely injured.  i spent nearly 6 weeks in hospitals on my days off, trying my best to support my family as they fought to heal and recover. Recovery is still occurring in ways small and large, and neither my mom or my aunt will be able to return to work again…..BUT, it’s been an AMAZING year of family growing more and more together, supporting one another, and just feelin’ the love. (Oh yeah, and my little bro is getting hitched next month! Woot woot!)

MY GARDEN:

A little labour of love, that in the end probably didn’t really produce all that much….

DRAWING AGAIN:

(and hitting a certain groove in style that i can stick with for a while!)

THE HOUSE HUNT! (AND THE LITTLE BUNGALOW I FOUND):

MAKING THE HOUSE A HOME:

MY FRIENDS:

….too many to name…too many memories to tell…

..

….

…….

thank you all

bonjour! bonjour!

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, it’s been hectic to say the least.
But today! Today i fly to Montreal for the next 4.5 days…. No matter that it’s for a work conference, it feels like a vacation. Last night, it kept feeling like i had forgotten something critical (forgetting something….always a key element to any trip worthwhile and adventurous), until i realized that it was a nagging impulse to go exchange currency for the trip, ha.
Oh Montreal! Fashion! Cafes! Shopping! Old architecture! Fall! (oh, and a conference that i should probably attend some of, considering work is sending me)
i’m off!

grace

this is me

- with dirt on my feet -
probably from pounding the pavement too fast, too hard, all the while trying to get somewhere i thought worth going.  And when you brushed my shoulder, stooped down and offered to check out that stubbed toe with the broken nail, i recoiled.

Gross.

This is no way to meet someone.

Okay then, fine -
Look at me! Look – i love colour and music and life and the sound of a breeze in the trees and the chatter at a shared meal and i work really really hard and
you said,
i think i’m going to have to get that washed up

who ARE you?
Look,
i’m sure you’re really nice and i’m pretty sure my feet smell and i really think that this is all just a little weird and i don’t know you and don’t get why you’ve got me following you into my own house and

it feels good when my foot hits that water

i watch you
i scrutinize your every action, your strangely relaxed and familiar demeanor, and when you glance up and wink, i jump a little.
You catch my heel, laughing, as water is splashed around.
Hey now.

This is you, with my dirt on your hands
and it has somehow ceased to feel awkward
i’m sorry we had to meet this way,
but you started it…really,
and, you’re good at this.

Where did you come from?

And, my feet warm and dry, i slow down a little.
Let’s make a cup of tea, and talk
i want to know why you were hanging around my street,
why i wanted to let you in my home
why you touched me
why i can’t keep myself from watching you,
why i am comforted by this connection
why you speak as if you know me

This was no way to meet a stranger,
but what’s stranger
is that i don’t want you to go.

Art Walk THIS WEEKEND!!!!!

OH man. It’s my favourite weekend in Calgary: ART WALK!!! And, i know i booked the time off to do productive things like ripping up green shag carpet, but i might.just.need.a.break.

It’s so much fun. Artists and tons of group-studios that you’d never know existed (otherwise completely unadvertised/promoted), open up their spaces to the public. There are show openings, art talks, occasional shared bottles of wine, and the greatest sense of artistic camaraderie that gives me hope for this crazy city.

For sure i’ll be checking out Laurie Steen’s drawings (it’s like she sees what i see in my head, better than i do!), the Untitled Art Society, and the Art4Five Artists Collective(319 – 10 AVE SW)

(thank GAWD for distractions like these to keep me sane!)

jitter and jive

Today, i paid for a haircut for the first time in three and a half years.
But then after spending the afternoon downtown,  i went home and promptly picked up the scissors and kept going.  1

i’ve felt an expanding, aching restlessness rising up in me today, and i can’t shake it. Possibly, too many coffees this morning.

Is it possible to be not content about being not content though? It frustrates me that i can’t leave well enough alone, that i always seem to want something different, something more, something changed, that even though i don’t find myself really ever getting bored, i find any way i can to rush past a sense of stasis.  Why can’t i just leave well enough alone?
i’m fighting this feeling of jittery impatience, partially knowing that it stems from just having a lot going on. i handed over my down payment today and signed the last of the paperwork with the lawyer, yesterday i got my schedule rearranged so that i can be home on the actual day i get the house keys, this week i’ve researched my legal options for taking my current landlords to small-claims court (long-standing problem with non-functioning plumbing) and have packed up about half of my apartment, and recently i’ve been ‘hanging out’ with a new boy du jour and trying to get past some work frustrations.

It’s enough on my plate, and the last thing i want is more.  So why the discontent? Why the urge to just keep moving onward, past whatever it is i’m experiencing, to look for something more?  Because while that kind of movement can keep a passport full, a career moving, and life pretty interesting, i’m scared that i’m just going to bulldoze past things that are really great in the here-and-now for something i only imagine could be possible.  i’ll freely admit that my life is pretty fantastic, and not for a minute, even now, do i deny that.  i have a lot to be thankful for, all around.  But this restlessness scares me, to be completely frank.  There’s too much goodness to bypass, but i feel as if i don’t know how to just settle down and be satisfied with what i have, which isn’t true at all.  But, there isn’t one area of my life that isn’t full of change right now, and though i don’t need to add to it, i don’t know where to press the pause button right now.

In time, things will settle out. It would be nice to be a kid again: hugged and held and told all the problems will disappear, but really, that’s not life. Changes will occur as they will, and life will take on new vantage points. i’m holding on to this, trying to learn lessons, praying my way through my days, and fighting to remember that i really can just lay down my burdens. Somebody just remind me how.

If only haircuts really helped. In the meantime, i think Tagore is on to something: “Come oh come ye tea-thirsty restless ones – the kettle boils, bubbles and sings, musically”

1. Don’t worry, the new cut is just a funkier version of the usual curly mop. And, i like it.

around the sun again

Ah, this weekend has been full: baby showers and weddings and birthdays, oh my.

i suppose that yesterday, being my birthday, should have inspired me to some lofty thoughts….perhaps even reflections of celebrating some major life events of friends and family this weekend, but i’ve got nuthin.  It’s been busy busy busy, with not a lot of end in sight yet, but there have been brief moments of completely letting go of all the transition stress (being twirled around the dance floor at the wedding this weekend was definitely counted in this category).

AND, i’m getting things done. In particular, i dot-com’d myself:  jessicamatthies.com
One step closer to artistic professionalism. Plainly put: sales.
i’ve also been following these fantastic ladies, as they lay out so much amazing info for artists and small business entrepreneurs.  They’re SO AMAZING!  Their posts are literally a beginner’s handbook to getting your art up and out the door successfully, and i’ve been so grateful to them for helping me get over being so intimidated by the business side of art.

It looks like the week ahead is going to be just as jam-packed, so i won’t be posting much in the next little while.  However, i did buy the loveliest tangerine-coloured hammock chair in Vancouver this weekend, and am looking forward to some more creative thoughts being recorded from the vantage point of my crabapple tree, in about 2 weeks time.

See ya then.

Broken homes

Consider my confidentiality agreements at work to be your saving grace against hearing my latest rant.

Instead, here’s what i have to say:

Tell your family you love them.
Then act like you love them.
Then tell them you love them some more.

Repeat.

Do this until i’m out of work.

Home Sweet My First Home

The rest of the pics @ flickr

ready

i’m likely to mock the idea that you can just ‘toss your thoughts to the universe’ and be rewarded by that. Seriously? That’s all pretty airy-fairy. Likewise, i just don’t believe that just because we want/pray for things, God simply gives us what we want.

That being said, i woke up this morning with a complete sense of readiness and assuredness regarding buying a house. With 5 new places lined up to see, a total frustration with the lack of forward momentum in the last 2 offers, and a lack of energy all around, i made a decision that today was going to be the last day i do this thing called house hunting. And, i simply felt ready. Today was the day.

Lo and behold, i found a gem today (incidently, next door to the house i put an offer in on 11 days ago before it got muddled up in the Bermuda Triangle of realestate dealings).  It’s perfect. i mean, REALLY perfect.  i just accepted the seller’s counter-offer, and at the time of this writing, am waiting on final, official news.  Funny thing is, i knew which house it was going to be this morning, too, even without interior photos available to see.

i don’t know why the last offer on a place got so tangled up. i don’t know why this house didn’t show up until it was too late for my two potential roomates to get out of their lease for the fall.  i don’t know why today, of all days, i had that sixth sense telling me that finality was in the works.

i do know that i’ve been praying for a place that is perfect for welcoming a whole big community of friends into; a place that i can set up a studio space, and extra kitchen space, and places to knit and read and sew and garden and cook and throw dinner parties and make wine and set up my pottery equipment once again and spend long evenings laughing with friends around a firepit and line-dry my clothes on warm days and all of those things that make my life rich and that i hope i can use to help enrich the lives of the people around me.  i’ve been praying for a place that is quiet at night, and neighbours walk around on the streets, and trees are big and old, and that there’s some room to grow into the local community.  i’ve been praying for a place that is a blessing in my life and will be a blessing to others.

i do know that maybe this place will still fall through, but that in that case, i can keep my eyes forward, knowing that life will still be good, possibilities still exist, and good lessons will be learned.

But, i think it’s going to work out.

Now if only i could work some similar miracle in my romantic life, i’d really be on to something.  And if that happens, i’ll bottle it and sell it to ya

Fingers crossed

So, i’m currently staring at a legal document that is requiring me to sign, date, and indicate the location of signing.  i’m at work.

Let’s see: ‘Middle of Absolutely Nowhere, Alberta’
no?
‘Beside a Lake Across From Some Mountains, AB’

Seems to me that the English get away with naming towns some ridiculously damn-long descriptive name all the time: “Avon Upon Stratford Once Upon A Time” yadda yadda yadda.

And hey, if we can call a town in Canada, in all it’s gory glory, “Head Smashed In Bufffalo Jump”, why can’t i just put down “Butt F—- Nowhere” ?

*sigh*

But, when i eventually figure out where this place is, i can finish up these documents that say i want to buy a house. A specific house. Someplace with a real address and a big yard, and a whole lot of 1950’s charm.  And maybe, baby, this time it will go through!