i have an evening at home for the first time in a while, and i’m SO motivated to do so many things that have been on the backburner: knitting, sewing, cleaning the back hall walls to prepare for painting, cleaning up 3 semi-unpacked bags in my room….reading…calling a friend over…… .. .. .. .. .    .   .        .         .                    .

And then i feel the redness on my face after only a half glass of wine and realize that really, all i want to do is crawl into bed.  This is ridiculous, i think to myself. My hand has healed up. i have a car back.  i am full of inspiration after catching up on several hundred design blog entries on my rss feed, and i am full and happy with my homemade chipotle yam fry and fresh salsa supper.
In short, life feels good. And, it feels as if it’s passing me by like a film reel on my wall. Bits of life showing up in high-def colour, slipping and twisting just out of grasp, delighting and entertaining, but never quite connecting.

i’ve been through burnout before, and it’s not pretty. This time, i can see it coming, but it’s funny, because i had thought that i would know how to prevent it sneaking up again.  This time, i know what i would like to have happen, i just don’t know how to make it happen.  It’s so funny, because i keep looking at people who get so much done in life and this world, and i wonder how they do it.  i’m scrambling to not get behind at work, to keep drawing and painting as much as possible so that i can start selling pieces, to do the necessary work on my house…. and if i can really keep it together, start working towards some career development/transition/change.

i wish i knew more answers, more routes to take towards dreams and hopes and plans and all those things that keep me living for a life well done.  But wishing doesn’t get things any closer, that much i know.  Which brings me right around to, i have an evening at home….

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