smudging up the first few pages….

New journal, new space, new canvas: i love you. i hate you.

i love your clean, pure potential, the soft blankness.
i hate your expectations, your knowledge that greatness could occur here, if only i wasn’t going to put down some chicken-scratch drivel.

And so, what i really want to say will wait a few pages. It’ll wait for some old news to catch an eye, wait for the opportunity for first impressions to pass slightly less noticed. Wait to feel out the old, familiar frameworks and settle into making marks again.

It’s been a while, after all. And, well, no news is good news

…right?

———————————————

[a post i like to remind myself of from time to time]

-From September 21 2005:

Two things that make me sad:
1. not being able to make what i am thinking make sense when i say it
2. friends who pretend to be friends with people they really don’t care about, or don’t care to care about them in such a way that at least prevents them from idly cutting them down.

On that note, i so wish that i could have make a coherent statement in Sr. Studio today about my thoughts on conformity and the concept of a counter-culture. i got so lost in trying to define my idea of how simply natural it is to conform to some level, that i forgot my main point that it is not the ACT of conformity that matters, but the choice of WHAT we conform to and WHY. There are billions of people on earth; at some level we need to conform in order to avoid complete chaos. Yet we have, especially as Christians, an obligation to choose wisely what we conform to, and why. Though our faith intrinsically involves a certain level of counter-cultural belief (“..be in this world, but not of it”..)Christ called us to take up our crosses and follow. What that looks like may then take many forms, according to our attitudes and motives. (St.Paul?) brought up the very relativist stance that for those whom it was ok to eat meat sacrificed to idols, it was ok, but for those whom this act caused stumbling, it was not ok……but to respect the choices of the believers around you as all being chosen to bring glory to God. What better way to remember to be humble in the way we advertise our lifestyles and preferences.
However, it is difficult to live in any such way that does not communicate those preferences at all. Indeed, if one was to actively conceal those things, that individual would then be criticized for being “non-authentic”: the ultimate post-modern crime. Yet the danger of advertising our choices in life means the development of pride, haughtiness, cultural elitism.
What then does this mean for those who chooses to live in such a way that often gets slammed as “trendy” or “counter-cultural (but such a see-through-sham)” or even the oh-so-maligned “evangelical” or “suburban”? Oh horror of horrors to actually be considered mainstream! (…and OH, how i do struggle with criticizing the ‘mainstream’) As a Christian, i think the solution involves a dual responsibility: that of the individual to actually think through the logic of their choices, having a coherent defense that involves a God-glorifying rational, as well as that of the surrounding community to receive individuals with cortesia – courtesy and hospitality – giving respect to the Other by listening before entering into a dialogue of discovery and mutual search for Truth. At that point, the individual’s act of conformity becomes a non-problematic issue; it no longer becomes a matter of conforming to the ’system’ or to a ‘counter-cultural trend’, but rather a starting point for an exploration of faith and reason.

So yeah. That’s what i wished i could have said in class. In other words, there’s gotta be love.

….and yeah. that would solve problem #2 that makes me sad.
…so now i’m off to go change the world. in my dreams. cuz i need to get up early for work tomorrow.