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It wasn’t so long ago that i would have laughed myself out of town at the idea of early bed-times, choosing not to go out with a group of people, or spending time washing dishes on a Saturday night. Okay. i’ll amend that. i STILL have a hard time accepting these things as good decisions and not signs that i’m going to turn into a spinster cat-lady, gah.
And yet, i’ve been lying on my couch, semi-napping, trying to psych myself up to go out for the night (for the second night in a row), and slowly realizing that i’m fighting the very things that i long for when i’m at work – rest, peace, processes that have visible results…
Attending a suicide intervention training for the last few days, i was part of a group of people that discussed the idea of self-care in the helping role/profession. A lot of similarities cropped up in people’s responses: conversations with a friend, coffee dates, baths, wine, movies, exercise, getting enough sleep. Reflecting back on the lists, it surprises me how introverted the lists seemed. Not once did i see ‘night on the town’ or ‘throw a party’ on any of the group’s self-care lists, and it makes me curious about why that was. Very possibly, it was just the certain mix of attendees, though perhaps there is something about self or soul-care that necessitates the quietness of being either peacefully alone or in meaningful or intimate relationship instead of exuberant crowds and dynamic social settings. At this moment, my bias is towards the latter.
As much as it still annoys me on some level to choose against getting some also-much-needed social time tonight, i’m going to admit that these are a few of my favorite self-care things right now:
drawing, sleeping, comfort food, making things…
Nothing so very different from the rest of life, just chosen over friends and a social life at this moment.
What do you do to rest/revive?
Friends and food. Really, does it get much better than that? Okay, i know that wine, whisky (or other libation of choice), and hookah (or other romantic smoke of choice) are all factors in making things *even better*, but that’s beside the point. For the last few years, Thanksgiving has become more of a friends event for me than a family one, and this year didn’t disappoint.
About 18 people or so gathered into my friend’s place on Sunday afternoon, just as i was finishing carving up the turkey and the gravy was being strained through a cheese grater (5 adults under one roof and there’s no sieve? My inner domestic-diva does not understand this). Food kept arriving, in boxes, wrapped in towels, in bags.. ..people stood around, chatting, laughing, smiling, and just before we officially commenced the meal, it became comically obvious that the entire group of 20-somethings had split themselves by gender to opposite sides of the room. Not since my last Mennonite family reunion have i seen that. At any rate, i thought it was funny.
Well, we thanked, and blessed, and then, we feasted.
The happy buzz of chatter settled into a low hum, punctuated by the sounds of forks against plates, the clinks of glasses being set on the floor, as there were far too many people to even think of sitting at a table. At one point, someone made a speech or a toast or something to that effect.
i’ve heard a lot of people say that it takes a year to settle into a community, to develop friends and start feeling at home in a new place. i don’t know why that is, but it seems to be holding true for me at this point. Rounding the corner of 13 months in Calgary, i finally feel like i’m coming home when i drive out of the mountains and head east, not west. i looked through my cell phonebook the other day and realized that there are more Alberta numbers than BC. And, sitting in Abbotsford today, i had a moment of shocked realization that i actually wished i stayed a few more days in Cowtown before visiting my family this weekend. Then i shook my head rather vigorously and realized that such a ridiculous thought could only have occurred because i hadn’t had my morning cup of coffee yet (thusly restoring whatever powers of reason i have from the foggy depths of my morning brain).
Still, this year i’m thankful for the people that i’m getting together with. i’m thankful for a funky, cool church, Sunday nights at the pub, late night conversations, evenings spent driving from place to place in search of something to do and laughing at every foiled plan, Sunday mornings at the coffeeshop with newspapers and passionate debates, improvising kitchen equipment together, and generally just having people around.
In other news, and going along with this trend of being around more people, i’m moving in with a roommate for the first time in my life. Yes, you heard it. Unless you count communal living in a post-soviet dormitory for 4 months, i’ve never had to share my own space. And really, given the stereotypically strong personalities of my Eastern European roommates in Lithuania, i never really considered anything there to be ‘my space’.
And so, it is with a little bit of fear and trepidation that i’m venturing into looking at the Calgary rental market through a new perspective, that of the terms “house” or “3-bdrm” or other such formerly extravagant prospects. All this because the building i live in was recently sold, and the new owners are planning to evict the 4 of us tenants to scrap our apartments and put in offices. …like Calgary needs more offices, argh.
But i’m keeping hopeful! My neighbour and i have been talking about our options for a while now, and we both seem to keep coming up to the idea of moving in together. It makes sense in a lot of different ways, so i’m going a leap of faith on this one, crossing my fingers that i don’t turn out to be a selfish control freak when it comes to living space! So if you have good advice, words of wisdom, anything on the subject of being a good roommate, share it here!
i arrived home in Calgary on Friday to a warm, sunny evening, and then quickly discovered that i hadn’t needed to fret about how i was going to fly home with all my bedding (down duvet, etc) from planting camp.
…No, i hadn’t needed to worry at all. i had forgotten that unlike the mountains, cities generally do not cool off considerably at night, or at least, as considerably as in camp (ie. 30C days dropping to 1-2C nights). And so, i (and my houseguests from Vancouver) have sweated out the weekend in my 2nd-story sauna…er, apartment. The biggest challenge has been the lack of any crossbreeze, since my south-facing living room picture window does not open, meaning that half my apartment gets woefully stuffy without due diligence…and in the worst heat, even despite it. Needless to say, we spent a good chunk of the last few days trying to escape the sauna!
Thanking my mom, Laura Ingalls (of Little House.. fame), and latin-siesta-loving cultures everywhere for great, simple ideas to beat the heat, here is my list for keeping cool:
1: Get outside and go walking…if the breeze doesn’t come to you, then make the breeze happen by walking through the air!
2: Open windows, blinds, curtains at night to let cooler air come in, and then during the day, shut the windows and cover them with heavy curtains, fabric, whatever you have to trap the cool air inside and block the sun out.
3: If you have a moveable fan, place it blowing in at night, and if you must have a window open during the day, use the fan to suck warm air out of the house, and blow it outside.
4: Spray your curtains with water, or hang a wet sheet in front of the window to cool the air passing through
5: If your fan is enclosed, place a damp pillowcase or other small piece of fabric over it to cool the air its blowing around
6: Night is the worst for me. If i’m too warm, i just can’t stay asleep. It may be a little weird, but try getting a sheet soaking wet, then wring it out and sleep under it. It works like a charm for me….perfectly chilly all night long!
7: #6 too weird for ya? Do as the Thais do: shower in the evening, and lay on a towel, still wet, to go to sleep
8: Make using a personal paper fan your new fashion statement
9: Sunburns don’t help; wear loose linen or cotton fabric that covers your skin instead.
10: If there’s one thing that i’ve learned to appreciate about early mornings in camp, it’s this: if all the cooking/baking work is done before 9am, chances are you can keep your indoor temps at least the same as outside, if not lower. So if you HAVE to cook, do it early in the morning or late at night.
11: Dont’ cook. Learn to eat (and enjoy!) cooler, raw (or previously cooked) food. Cool fruit soups (and gazpacho….and cool white wine and cheese dinners…and nutty salads…and cold meats, mustards, and ales…)are delicious!
12: Sleep during heat of the day, socialize late into the night 
13: Freeze your fruit, and enjoy it as-is, or as gourmet ice-cubes in iced tea/tisanes, or blended into healthy, nutrient-packed smoothies.
14: Mint tea….hot or cold, it makes your mouth feel cool!
15: Make sun-tea. Avoid boiling the kettle by placing a jar of water with tea bags and/or herbs (lemon balm, mint leaves, rosemary, lemon wedges, etc) in a sunny window or sunny spot on a patio in the morning, and pour over ice to enjoy all afternoon and evening!
16: Visit your local museum, bookstore, library, art gallery, etc. Chances are, their buildings are air- conditioned or ventilated to keep cool.
17: Go underground. Have a basement? A parking garage? A subway system? Keep your mind open – some of these really unorthodox places can be quieter, or more interesting than your own sweltering abode, are certainly cooler, and well, sometimes choosing these places to hang out can inject your day with that little bit of weirdness that keeps things interesting!
18: Visit your local rec center and go swimming
19: Catch up on films. Movie theatres are often chilly enough that you may just have to bring a wrap or sweater!
20: Turn off your lights, or switch to energy-saving bulbs.
21: Wear a damp bandanna to keep your head cool.
22: Eat spicy food, and embrace the cooling sweat!
23: Eat lightly, and give your digestive system a break
24: Drink water, and lots of it!
25: Have fun. Complaining apparently doesn’t help anything!
