Finishing up another trip around the sun….

And my head is still spinning from the last week or so of events!

The Montana trip turned out so unexpectedly. It was a beautiful drive down, and the first day was one long, run-together, mashed up catch-up conversation with my good friend Bruce who had joined me for the trip. The sky was clear, the drive was smooth, the camp-site pre-booked, and the brand new tent set up easily.

And then [insert dark foreboding music here], just as i was falling asleep, the wind began to pick up. Really pick up. And the next day, we woke up to pouring rain. The forecast for the week? Rain, squalls, thunderstorms, and possibly snow.

And we decided to get at least one short hike in, but when we were deciding on the second, it started raining harder. And when we decided to at least see if we could get a good scenic drive in, since we weren’t hiking, we came up against foggy, snowy, white-out conditions. And the next morning?

It poured some more.

We got rained outta the park. A last-second contingency plan was hatched, and we headed for Missoula, where we had another friend that we hadn’t seen in a while.

And you know what? The silver linings started to show themselves. It was sunny, Missoula was funky in a very i-could-live-here kind of way, and while we waited for our friend at a local pub (where the beer was cheap, and very good), we began to settle into the idea that we were supposed to be there, in Missoula, that night, for a reason. And when Erin showed up after her class, the night took a turn towards one of those times where you laugh-till-you-cry, cry-till-you-laugh, bare-your-soul kinda times that we all apparently needed. At Erin’s place, we met her roommate Ang, and the four of us started chatting. And chatting. And discussing. And sharing. And baring-our-souls. And listening. And crying. And chatting. …till 4am.

i know we each took something special away from that night. One of the phrases that seemed to resonate with all of us was something that Erin had spoken about – the idea of asking God for EVERYTHING, the whole picture, the big feast, the best that he could offer. The idea that when we look at our lives and begin praying for things, not to ask for tidbits or crumbs, but for the fullest, most abundant life possible.

‘Asking for everything’ is something that i’ve thought a lot about over the last few days….through the nightshift, and the dayshift, and the 2nd nightshift, and the 2nd dayshift that was my work world this week, and through a rather mellow birthday at home today. While on the trip, Bruce told me that i seemed unsettled lately. The comment seemed to come out of nowhere, and at first i didn’t really think it was accurate at all. Later, it made me angry that all the work that i’ve done this year to try to settle into a new city, a new community, a new home didn’t seem to count for anything in that statement. Nope, i was unsettled. Later still, i was frustrated at myself. Several years ago when i tried to engage everything life handed me, i burned out. This year, being a very simple year in many ways, has felt somewhat empty and lonely. i know there is a balance between the two, and have also been very blessed to experience the beauty of a life both full and simple – it is one of the things that inspires me to embrace the daily adventure of life and to examine what is worth investing my energy into on a larger scale. i also know that life throws curve balls, and that that allowing those to occur can bring great experiences…like roadtrips that turn into reunions.

So my question is: What IS everything? What do i ask for? Do i simply toss the great big, “Hey God, give me what you’ve got” statement out there and hold on for dear life, knowing that what God has in store for me is infinitely better than anything i can plan for or imagine?
Or do i admit the things that i secretly want but am to afraid to openly and brazenly ask God to fulfill, mostly because i am sometimes afraid of the smallness of my mind and heart and imagination?
Is there a balance between the two?

i have a feeling that Year 27 is going to bring about some big questions, and that there are going to be more than a few surprises along the way. i’m jumping on a path of question-asking, of exploring, and of engaging this year. And somewhere along the way, i’m guessing that there will be a little serendipity to it all, too.